Talking someone down from suicide is one of the most personal calls you can get. It’s rare to know your callers on such a deep, vulnerable level, but when someone believes you may be the last person they ever speak to, they tend to tell you everything. Often, building rapport means being willing to be vulnerable yourself.

One call I’ll never forget was from a fellow trans person. She was in crisis after realizing she was trans and knowing her family would not be accepting.

The call initially came in to my trainee, who was struggling to build a connection with her. I felt a knot in my stomach and asked my trainee if she wanted to take a risk. I suggested asking the caller whether she’d be open to speaking with a coworker who might better understand her situation. She agreed.

We flipped the switch on the headset splitter so the caller could hear me. I introduced myself and told her that I was a trans man.

I told her about my journey. The confusion. The fear. I shared how, in the end, I was glad I’d persevered, that I got to live honestly. I spoke about the community I’d found, the relief of being gendered correctly for the first time, finding clothes that finally felt right, and the moment I looked in the mirror and recognized myself. I talked about my family’s journey toward acceptance, and how it hadn’t been simple or immediate.

We stayed on the phone for an hour. By the end of it, it felt less like a crisis call and more like a conversation between friends.

She thanked me and said she was still scared, but that she also felt something else. Excitement. Hope. That she might finally be able to live authentically. My trainee and I were both tearing up.

I still think about her. I hope she stayed alive long enough to experience the things she was so excited for.